how to write your wedding vows

Many couples decide to write their own wedding vows for their big day and this is something that we’re totally behind. Here are some tips on how to write your own wedding vows, perfectly!


When you and your fiancé decide to write your own wedding vows it’s important that you both talk about this first! You two should think about tone and format because that last thing you want to happen on your wedding day is for the one you love to have written a novella-length tome as wedding vows while you’ve written a short, laugh-inducing poem. You can also talk about whether to write them separately or together. Some people have a really hard time expressing themselves, and writing them together doesn’t take away from what they mean. In fact, the process of vow writing together can be an intimate and beautiful memory to share before your big day. A lot of couples who choose to write their own vows do a little bit of each… in that they write some of it together and some of it separately.

Tips on how to write your wedding vowsCactus Garden Wedding Vows – See more here


There are SO many types of vows out there that a great place to start to even seeing what you both might be into is to read examples. You should start by looking at traditional vows from your religion or religions to see what is written there and what you’d like to incorporate from those into your own. Then move on to more non-traditional wedding vows and see what tones, lengths, and forms you both love. Use all of this as a jumping off point for writing your own wedding vows!


Brainstorming is always an important process when writing your wedding vows, especially if you two have been together for a long time. Take a trip down memory lane and see what really stands out, what made you fall in love with him or her, and when you knew that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with this person. Take notes! These notes will really help you pull together your wedding vows and write them in a way that’s meaningful to you both. A few things to brainstorm about:

  • How do you support each other?
  • What do you expect to accomplish together?
  • When did you first realize that you were in love?
  • What makes your relationship special?
  • What inspires you about your partner?
  • What qualities do you admire in your partner?
  • How has life improved since you met them?
  • When you’re apart… what do you miss most?
Tips on how to write your wedding vows Tips on how to write your wedding vowsLake Michigan Backyard Wedding – see more here


Vows are vows for a reason. The word VOW literally means ‘solemn promise,’ so think of a few that you’d like to make! Rotate between a promise that’s broad in scope such as ‘I promise to always support you in your new endeavors’ to promises that are more specific to you both as a couple such as ‘I promise to always make your tea with brown sugar instead of white’ will make for beautiful, and personal wedding vows. Put as many ‘vows’ as you want into your vows! I once heard vows that consisted literally of promises like these that ranged between general to specific like the examples listed above and I’ll never forget them as they were so heartfelt and perfect.


Once you have a first draft of your wedding vows, take a look back over them and make some edits. Borrow as needed, but don’t ever let someone else’s words, whether they’re a poet or lines from ‘your song’ – don’t ever let someone else’s words overpower your own! If you find clichés in your wedding vows, take them out and use words of your own. When you find a cliché in your wedding vows (such as ‘love is blind’), find a way to say what you want to that’s personal to your relationship such as, ‘I love you whether you’re dressed for one of our beautiful date night dinners or waking up in the morning in your favorite wrinkled college t-shirt.’

Tips on how to write your wedding vowsItalian Riviera wedding vows – see more here


If you have a special inside joke remove it from your vows. It’s special because it’s just between the two of you, plus, you don’t want your guests who are listening to your vows to be confused and miss the rest of what you are saying to each other. A wedding is literally an invite for everyone you love and cherish to witness your promises to each other… so limit the inside jokes, deeply personal anecdotes, and be sure to think about how your vows would sound if you re-read them at your 10-year vow renewal ceremony.


In the lead up to your big day it’s really hard to not want to write a novel about how much you love your husband / wife-to-be. But think about the most powerful phrases and poems about love, they’re not overdone! So, try to cap your wedding vows to a minute or two. If you find yourself going over two minutes, then you’re probably saying something over and over again, and it really only needs said once, in the best way possible.

Tips on how to write your wedding vowsSpring Themed Loft Wedding – See more here


We’re not joking here. Practice reading your vows! Listen to what you’re actually saying and fine tune from there. Plus trust us, when you’re standing in front of all your friends and family with your stunning bride or groom-to-be in front of you with all the wedding day jitters and excitement present, you’re going to be SO GLAD that you practiced your vows!


First of all, you need to give a copy to your officiant for a multitude of reasons including the fact that you might get totally teary-eyed and have a hard time reading your vows for yourself, or you might misplace your copy! Aside from that though you need a clean copy because it’s going to end up in all the photographs. Use a fresh piece of paper to write out your final version of your wedding vows or even better, especially if your handwriting isn’t the best and a typed and printed copy feels not-so-personal,  get it professionally handwritten so that you can give as a keepsake afterwards.

Tips on how to write your wedding vowsElegant Ranch Wedding in California – see more here

Don’t forget that writing your own wedding vows is a very personal thing. So long as you talk to your partner about it and do your best to make them special (which they will be!), your wedding vows will be perfect!

About Sara Burnett

Editor of Burnett's Boards, which she founded to showcase global creativity in the wedding industry. Sara currently lives out of a suitcase while island hopping the Caribbean and beyond. Learn More // Follow on Instagram.


  1. […] week we talked about how to write your own wedding vows and one of the tips was to look up some of your favorite love and wedding quotes. With that said […]